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alexandra.tai

Ꭺ. Matt. 6:21. Ps. 27:4. Isa. 66:1-2. ❛He is the resurrection and the life.❜ ✑ Berkeley, California 〰️ #rawwritersdiary #arawwrite
144 posts
643 followers
805 following
“increase the weight of glory in me, / let your spirit now transform, / that all things would not be wasted / but would work to save me more.” 🍂
3 82 11 hours ago
The key to looking like you go outside often is to take a lot of pics when you do go outside and save them for a rainy day. which, incidentally, is exactly what i’m doing now ☕️ s / o to zoe for letting me borrow her hand lol cause i have first grader hands and they looked stubby in all the pics 💀
3 147 Yesterday
“_summer_

when summer first broke,

storm winds raised seas
where the waters go to die.

i washed ashore,
half full of sea
and the sea
full of me.

with every gasp,

my body
fin a l l y

rejecting
the storm-tossed grave
you buried me in

and had convi n c e d me
was ho m e
for so long.

when summer melted into

_fall_,

the trees rejoiced,

their fingers bent over me
as i pulled weeds from my depths:
seaweed tongues
that lurched from throat
to land

effigies
of a chapter
that never
should have
been written

never
wo u l d have
been written

had i heeded

the warning signs

on the rocks
by the seashore.

_winter_ came,
surprising
and biting,

wat c h i n g,
as i pored over night skies so wide
they threatened
to call forth my absence.

but in the abundance, i found myself once more—

for even in darkness,

stars
claw
their way
out
of the unyielding,

and find s o l a c e in
consuming

ent r o py.

_spring_
blos s o m e d

and soon, the scars left behind
were swallowed by
life

puckered reminders
that scorched earth is
m o r e
than ca p a ble
of pulling ter r i b l e beauty
from blacker soil

note:
when you left me to die,

the ground kissed me back up

and where the remnants
of mistakes

h i d e,

almost drowning,

there,

the waves raise skin

and i find
re a s o n s

for

a l l — seasons.” x

#sometimesiwrite #rawwritersdiary #arawwrite
30 292 5 weeks ago
Accidental spooky twin tings w my fav @alliechoy before october comes to a full close 🕸 in all honesty tho, i’m ready for november.... winter’s despairingly far off and i don’t have enough shirts / dresses in my closet for the fluctuating weather that is now. the only season i really live for is winter ☁️ bay area temperate cold 24/7 and grey skies l**o sweater weather best weather don’t fight me on this bye 📷: @d.leong
31 318 last month
The second paragraph reads, “the point was made at once. his books were like his prized bottles, waiting for the moment he chose to open them; there for his pleasure according to his own timing. after all, what good would a wine cellar of empty bottles be to him? or a library of books already completed?” — @bookshop_us, 2016, superimposed on a (headless and) black-and-white me by the incandescent @ashltorres ♡ book hoarders, rejoice. for here, we find (finally) the cogitative escapist retort we’ve all been waiting for. quite right, i do seem wholly incapable of stopping myself from purchasing more books... even with the all-too-profound revelation that my library is already teeming with stories yet untouched. but, listen to the french gentleman. what point is there to a library of books already completely read? each story is there, handpicked for the world i want at my fingertips by mere perusal. and you can’t expect me to swallow worlds whole and leave only spines cracked behind. what then would the purpose of my library be? as much as i love revisiting old friends (harry potter? always), you have to agree— tasting every word in my library would render the very purpose of its existence somewhat obsolete. i’m here for worlds dived into and worlds yet to be explored. so, sue me. my stack of books keeps growing. but that, my friends, might just be the point. / currently reading: lethal white by robert galbraith
19 230 September 2018
I turned 25 yesterday!!! (or 52, according to my kids) 🎈 almost cried during house time singing this song (which became very, very dear to me in the training): “jesus, fountain of my days, / well-spring of my heart's delight, / brightness of my morning rays, / solace of my hours of night; / _when i see thee, i arise_ / to the hope of cloudless skies. / oh, how weary were the years / ere thy form to me was known; / oh, how gloomy were the fears / when i _seemed_ to be alone; / i despaired the storm to brave / till thy footprints touched the wave. / but thy presence on the deep / calmed the pulses of the sea, / and the waters _sank to sleep_ / in the rest of _seeing thee_; / and my once rebellious will / heard the mandate, _peace, be still!_ / now thy will and mine are one, / heart in heart, and hand in hand; / all the clouds have touched the sun, / and the ships have reached the land; / for thy love has said to me, / no more night! and no more sea!” this year, i have only one wish and one hope: to gain him. if there’s anything i’ve learned over the years, it’s that putting hope or expectation in anything other than him will result in disappointment, heartbreak, and heartache. so this year, i’m praying psalm 73:25 in faith, again and again, “whom do i have in heaven but you? and besides you there is nothing i desire on earth.” my prayer is that i would not care for anything except god and gaining him. and that in all the situations that are to come, my being would be set on him, and my heart would be pure and single towards him, that he would be able to grow in me without frustration ♡ “when i see thee, i arise / to the hope of cloudless skies.” he is the hope of cloudless skies and he _is_ the cloudless skies. lord, keep my eyes set on you!
81 374 September 2018
Fun fact: in high school, i thrifted a lot. much has changed since then, but in true back-to-school spirit, you could say i’ve somewhat returned to my roots (bc in middle school, we had uniforms, so you could say “dressing myself” wasn’t really a thing for me until high school. we won’t talk about grade school. let’s just say i had a black shirt w a cat on it that i loved v vv _read: too_ much)— except now, my (much more selective) vintage finds are procured online. these darling manolos came in the mail yesterday and i just 🌝🌚🌝 now, to all those who think i have too many pairs of black shoes, first of all, they all are slightly different and second of all, these are espresso colored sooo 🌚🌝🌚 i literally can’t wait to prance around in these, y’all 🦌 find me at the labor day conf prancin
jk but not rly ok byeee haha
26 192 August 2018
*settles into a perpetual and unrelenting tiredness that will (presumably) last the entire academic year* *k cool* happy monday, y’all 💘
6 209 August 2018
I woke up yesterday like dang today’s gon be such a chill day imma sit in a cafe and read books while ppl tag @coc_ucb on ig for our event and i’ll input them as they come in jk it wasn’t chill at all spent 2.5 hrs like did no one listen to me when i gave instructions cause ???? *keeps having to comment on pics like hi can u tag us or i can’t give u points* *hi can u pls use the right hashtag or i ain’t givin u points* *hi for the last time use the right hashtag i’m not giving u any more points until u do* *ruiyu i dont have anyone’s numbers can u call them and tell them to stop ignoring my comments im literally not gonna give them any points until they use the right hashtag* *ok thanks* *ok* *now time to run to the pier before the first group gets there* lol 🎠 all jokes aside, yesterday was rly fun. these are the activities / events i live for... jericho and amazing race. not hikes. or going to the s****d beach. which, btw, i told the team to put a (minimum) 2 month pause on. you’re welcome 🙃 also, get urself kids like mine who are willing to take pics for u at the drop of a hat honestly idk what i did to deserve these little nuggets 👼🏼 bless u my little dumpling @bethanylinhere 💕🥟☺️
20 233 August 2018
Capping off wedding season with a family wedding 🦒 ft. me and bb sis as ketchup and mustard 🌭 or, alternatively, the #powerpuffgirls with @mulan.p and @oliviz 💥 a huge, huge congratulations to my big cuz @l.heh and the love of his life @adaleezy!!! my heart was so full witnessing the two of you tie the knot last night, and it was such a joy getting to be there with you two and getting to celebrate your union with family. here’s to many more years of family shenanigans! 🥂 love you two lots, xo #youhadmeatheh ♥️
41 403 August 2018
If you’re wondering if i’m still thinking about the chicken and waffles i had on saturday, the answer is yes, yes i am. four of my favorite things at once: fried chicken, waffles, gravy, and (not pictured, but house-made!) hot sauce = one heppy me 🌝 also i got a new sweater dress today huehuehue and i kinda just wanna fast forward to winter ❄️ can we skip the rest of this month and the looming indian summer??? i’m ready for sweater weather
also why isn’t there a sweater emoji
5 135 August 2018
“brine rose to calmer fault
til to brim it claimed me whole
and the death waters stole me
and dragged me down below

til the storm clapped soundly
and the tempest wind roared
and watched as repeated, my fingers tore

through the lisp of the water,
tender soaked.

savior, find me,
take me back to shore.
for i’ve forgotten completely
and i no longer know.

i see the sea,
how it waxes and how it wanes.
i claim the upset and say it in name.
swell and collapse i know, and i see with my eyes
but i know no longer where

the sea begins,

and where i,

savior,
oh savior,

end.” x
also written in 2016 at the end of my second term in the training. originally posted a snippet of this poem when my grandmother passed in february 2017, followed by this bit: “‘there’s a chasm in my being,’ i told him, ‘where all the unspoken and the should-have-said's roam, teething at my innards, raw and unforgiving, terrible and clawed. it's pain and it's regret and it's me torn asunder, unaffected on the outside and yet inwardly, me and the sea, the sea and me... wrecked indistinguishable. and if a part of me's been broken like this, if a part of me's been taken away... in what world does this collapse find seams?’ ☞ ‘he who descended, he is also the one who ascended far above all the heavens that he might fill all things.’ — ephesians 4:10” i am happy to say that now, in 2018, i have come to know and am continuing to know this one who not only calms the devastation in my inward being, but also fills me with himself. this one is the mending one. he is the seams. #sometimesiwrite #rawwritersdiary #arawwrite
15 158 August 2018