Throwing back to last week, #breastfeedingawarenessweek, where people were to post pictures to #normalizebreastfeeding. this is me and my oldest daughter, ryan, only three weeks postpartum. i cheerlead for breastfeeding but appreciate that this position can alienate those that do not, cannot, or chose not. because i genuinely support the individual decisions women make for their body and their babies, i want people to feel empowered by their choices (whatever they be), not diminished.
i have an unusual story with breastfeeding - that being that my ability to do so with both my girls was always easy. i never experienced lack of milk, cracked nipples, blocked ducts, or pain. my girls both latched immediately and i was able to bond with each of them in this way for the first year of both their lives. for this, i am blessed.
the gift of bf for me hits deeply. my long history with an eating disorder meant the real possibility of never being able to have children. both pregnancy and the ability to bf where things i wished for, things that propelled my recovery.
but bf, despite how easy the act of it was for me, was not always easy mentally or emotionally. i wasn’t the kind of women that could bf and lose her baby weight. no, my baby weight latched on like a magnet and wouldn’t let go during the entire experience. moreover, in order to produce enough rich milk necessary for my girls meant i needed to eat all the time. bf was, therefore, a practice of accepting my body for where it was at. this was hard, impossible at times. i was often met with frustration, sadness and a deafening self-critic. i had many days where i felt right back in the throws of an eating disorder mindset (that being overcome by pervasive and intrusive thoughts about my body). i often wanted to pull the plug on the whole thing.
but then....i would find safety while feeding my girls - quietly, rocking them, holding them, seeing them, and deeply loving them. i never wanted to miss that.
after all is said and done, we are mothers nurturing our babies - loving our babies - as best we know how. #throwbackthursday#motherhood #edwarrior#recoveryispossible#edrecovery#eatingdisorderawareness
Ok, new york!
i’ll take your massive rainstorm.
i’ll stay another night (or two) and hang out with you.
i’ll breathe in and out about the fact that i can’t see my girls and my man tonight as planned.
i’ll surrender to not having control over this situation.
i’ll go with the flow.
yeah, i’ll go with the flow 😳😊
this is my ongoing work. #letgoofcontrol #beinthemoment #breatheinbreatheout #surrender .
Hey monday!!! i’m not sure there could be a better day, a better time, a better reason, to decide to get well.
to really recover.
to really live.
to really be free.
today is the day. #doit #takealeap #lifeisworthliving #mindfulmonday .
Notice the colour?
the bright bold patterns?
do you see it all?? i remember being mesmerized by the clarity that i could once again see - really see - when my recovery took flight. the haze that had overshadowed my vision, my hearing, my energy...lifted.
i had been missing it all.
having an eating disorder is like living in a permanent fog. the world dulls. and so do you.
wellness is bright.
it’s built with a bang.
and it’s all waiting for you. #gogetit#seeitall #realbeauty #recoveryispossible .
throwing back to last night at the @kylafoxcentre with @caleighfit!! this most inspirational force of a woman closed out our summer workshop series with a 💥💥💥!
thanks for bringing your badass self, caleigh, for sharing so candidly about your life, your journey, and for creating a safe space for everyone to do the same.
now! everyone get to @boloinc!! doors to the permanent space are open now!!!! learn to box with caleigh and ever better, learn to love your bod.
thanks also to everyone who came out and got inspired. feeling my personal badass this morn as a result 😜 #throwbackthursday #womenempoweringwomen #giveitallyougot .