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lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything To my first love, my sister who died, the stranger I confided in, my taxi driver: This is ‘#AlmostEverything I Wish I’d Said The Last Time I Saw You’ http://www.marjijsherman.com/almosteverything
74 posts
1,839 followers
1,741 following

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
You said you would be there. to save you a seat.
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mojitos, laughter, a blue party dress, nude heels, emerald eyes, an empty black barstool.
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others tried to sit on it on christmas eve, new year's eve, my birthday, valentine's day, .
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but whether it was a pew in the church on 14th or a white wingback next to the birthday cake, i saved it.
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wine, prayers, a conservative soft pink dress, nude heels, emerald eyes, a teal farmhouse chair taken by you. .
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by easter you had shown up with a basket full of sweet excuses and pastel promises,
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and i just knew you would not come back on such an important moment if you didn't truly mean what you said. my days of seat-saving were over.
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arnold palmers, sparklers, red tank top with cut off shorts, white wedges, emerald eyes, an empty splintered white lawn chair.
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he asked me if he could sit there, his paper plate about to break from the loads of brisket and potato salad from the memorial day rooftop barbecue. .
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after taking a moment to look out at the sun setting over the skyline as though it waited for no one, i moved my bright red tote.
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<3 m.
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#amwriting #writer #author #poetess #hearbreak #words #spilledink #igpoetry #instapoem #wordsmith #creativewriting #writingcommunity #writersfollowwriters #igauthor #igpoet #romancewriter #romance #love
1 71 20 hours ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
We searched all of miami for you, finally finding you on a delicious spring day just as he finished his classes. he got mango, i got blueberry (with extra bubbles.) you witnessed him meeting my mother, us fighting over something ridiculous, me not speaking to him, and then me with a platinum band around my wedding ring finger. .
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then you didn't see us for years. .
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i imagine he stops by a few times when he visits old college buddies, unless the painful memories of the happiness he used to have with his ex-wife was just too much to bare. .
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and then, on an usually hot, muggy october day, you saw me again with someone new. you witnessed us cozying up to each other a little tighter, giggling a little louder, crying that one day we got in that terrible fight, him with my dad grabbing some bubble tea for me while i was in the hospital.
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the last time you saw me, i was twenty pounds lighter, sicker. you wanted to ask, but didn't. .
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i am in a new city now, as i am sure you predicted. i miss you and want to thank you for the stability you provided me over five formative years of my life. .
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save a blueberry bubble tea with extra bubbles for me, please. besos. <3 m. /////
#amwriting #writer #poetry #poem #poemsdaily #dailypoems #poet #poetess #words #wordstoliveby #wordsmith #miami #mimisfrozenyogurt #mimis
8 91 2 days ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
I won't ask you about it, .
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i'll forget you ever yelled at me that night, .
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i'll cave to everything you ever wanted.
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just come home. .
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. <3 m. //////
#amwriting #writer #author #igauthor #heartbreak #romance #romancewriter #poet #poetry #igpoet #poetess #pain #heartbreak #wishfulthinking #instapoetry #poetryisnotdead #omypoetry #doortooursouls #worldwidepoetry #poetrylovers #writersfollowwriters #writersfollowingwriters
4 136 6 days ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
I romantically wrote novels of us on empty cups, envisioning the moment when your dark eyes would meet mine after a night out on bowery. sometimes, i would cross out the words to write a more cliche moment in an airport where our gazes meet for a second, but i continue walking away from you.
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the truth is, we never saw each other again. your name never escapes our mutual friends' lips, your face never makes a cameo in photos on my newsfeed, a song never comes on and reminds me of college nights spent with you in coconut grove.
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i thought you were the love of my life that would haunt me forever, and sometimes i wish you would.
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but you are only a ghost of a ghost, one that i question ever lived at all. .
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<3 m. /////// #amwriting #writer #author #poet #poetry #igpoet #igauthor #love #romance #romancewriter #umiami #universityofmiami #miami #coconutgrove #words #wordsmith #writersfollowwriters #writersfollowingwriters #heartbreak
4 106 1 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
Someone once told me they wished that every 'last' memory would have a light flashing above it, so you would know it was the last time. .
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i think that would be the worst kind of hell. i don't want to know that 'a ghost story' would be the last movie would ever see, our last fight would be in a car in front of my mom's house with rain pouring down around us, our last song would be some trendy song i hated on the radio, our last kiss would be rushed at curbside check-in, our last meal in the city would be kebabs in bed, our last uber ride would be from soho to williamsburg where you yelled at me how much you hated the city, our last netflix would be the first episode of season 3 of narcos.
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to know all of those were the last, would have wrecked the moments terribly. .
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if i knew this was the last time i would write of you, i would not be able to write at all. .
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. <3 m. ///////
#amwriting #writer #author #igauthor #igpoet #poetess #poet #author #writingcommunity #writerscommunity #pain #heartbreak #loss #grief #emotions #feelings #mood #words #wordsmith #bar #lightbulb #williamsburgbk #brooklyn #nyc #authorsofig #poetsofig #poemoftheday #dailypoems #poemsdaily #freeverse
11 159 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
Euphoria. high-pitched giggles. squealing to mama that 'my circus' had come to town when i saw its pink and purple lights. sitting on her lap as it spun round and round. crying big f*t tears when it is time to get off. sweaty palms. kisses from mama telling me all would be okay. two tiny baby pink nikes that are in the attic in the house i grew up in next to my porcelain dolls.
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fear. acid in my stomach. fake smiles. false hope this moment could save us. one last video taken on an empty ferris wheel in a small town's cornfield. nervous laughs. sweaty palms. kisses that were band-aids. a pale pink pig that was left on the kitchen floor next to my wedding veil.
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nostalgia. chainsmokers onstage. neon fireworks in the sky as the packed ferris wheel stopped with us at the top. sweaty palms. kisses that were promises to bridge the distance. a hot pink wristband that lives in an old cigar box you gave me, next to our subway tickets, in a town thousands of miles away from you.
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hope. cheeks flushed, heart beating quicker. an abandoned ferris wheel out on the pier. a polaroid picture taken and put onto the dash. me continuing the drive south alone, knowing there will always be another ride around the ferris wheel. .
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. <3 m. //// #amwriting #writer #write #ferriswheel #circus #author #igauthor #wordsfromtheheart #circleoflife #life #wordsmith #words #mood #childhood #nostalgia #makingmemories #memories #writingcommunity #writersfollowwriters
5 137 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
We got to our new city just as the sun was setting on memorial day. the only place open for dinner was a rooftop bar across the street. we sat on splintered stools, looking out at the pink and purple city that held so much promise. we would soon be married there in a small meditation chapel. i would become a mother there at the hospital just beyond the skyscrapers to the left, the same hospital you would become a surgeon at. i would start my own company in our large apartment whose windows we could see into, only boxes and a bare mattress to be seen. we would take our two boys to the movie theater whose old school sign flashed on and off, lighting up the night. .
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we eloped in a small meditation chapel and i did start my own company in that apartment, but everything else became future memories that would never come to pass. .
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hope died with a deserted wedding veil on the kitchen floor on a cold december night. .
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. <3 m. ////
#amwriting #marriage #writer #write #author #heartbreak #heart #love #divorce #poet #poetess #freeverse #words #wordsmith #spilledink #herwords #womenwriter #womenwriters #spilledthoughts #healingmyself #poemsofig #writersofinstagram #writersfollowwriters
4 142 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
I don't blame you. .
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you are one of the most beautiful souls i've ever encountered. i remember crippling pain as my tears and runny nose drenched my phone, rain pouring down around my car, as i hung up on you for the last time. but i don't remember what crippling pain actually feels like anymore. a moment i thought would be seared in my heart forever, disappeared more with every subway ride into the city. .
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and now, i get it. i didn't love you; not the way you deserved. i hope you find a soul that just gets you; a soul you don't have to explain your jokes to, or dry the tears of so frequently.
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and i hope some days you disappear to that clearing we found in the thick mangroves of gumbo limbo and remember we sometimes had clear moments. we sometimes had beautiful moments. we loved each other the best way we knew how. .
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i hope you send all the positive vibes i am sending you from the city back to me, as i drink a v***a soda at pete's candy shop with the soul i found who has yet to make me cry, and gets my writing. even this one. .
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i don't blame me. .
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. <3 m. /////////// #amwriting #write #words #wordsmith #poem #poemoftheday #freeverse #dailypoems #poemsdaily #igauthor #igwriter #wordsfromtheheart #sadness #regret #globalpoetcult #instagrampoetry #poetsheart #heart
15 186 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
And i wish you had met me on another day, in another place,
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when my eyes weren't stained, when my memories were erased.
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i wish you hadn't sat next to me as the misty rain fell in the square,
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overhearing a stranger receive news that would change her(me) forever.
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and i wish you could meet me tomorrow, on another day, in another place,
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when i've had time to recover, fix my makeup, feel the power of god's grace.
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but you left a note in my sweaty palm, hot pink ink smeared across an old receipt,
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telling me that god's grace lives in even the painful moments, and this one i will beat. .
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<3 m. ////////
#passingnotes #amwriting #notes #thoughts #angels #angelslive #angelsexist #write #writer #igpoet #poet #poetess #poetry #igauthor #author #writingcommunity #writerscommunity #wordsfromtheheart #words #wordsmith #poetryisntdead #writersfollowwriters #writersfollowingwriters
12 119 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
I thought i saw you walking just a little bit ahead of me through the cherry blossoms on havemeyer. you were wearing your allbirds, the same ones i have. i kept trying to catch up to you, but you always stayed just the perfect amount of space ahead, so i never caught up. i never could be sure it was you.
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you always did keep the perfect amount of space between us, so i couldn't get too close, so i couldn't love you too much. .
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never knowing the space between us had nothing to do with my capacity to love you. <3 m.
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#amwriting #writer #cherryblossoms #nyc #poetryisntdead #freeverse #poet #poetess #dailypoems #poemsdaily #poemoftheday #words #wordsmith #wordsfromtheheart #writerscommunity #writingcommunity #allbirds #williamsburgbk #williamsburg #brooklyn #writersfollowwriters
8 200 2 weeks ago

@lasttimeisawu

Almost Everything
We live as ghosts, haunting the steaming pink sand beach on lover's key. eating brunch on the muggy splintered porch of that cafe on us-1. cleaning sand from between our toes as sweat travels down our necks from the unusually hot summer. sharing cherry truffle ice cream as it drips onto the sweltering pavement. sitting on the sizzling metal chairs around the grand piano at cafe de paris. drinking plum wine in the muggy garage of the makeshift winery outside florida city. .
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always trying to escape the heat, never knowing that we will spend an eternity trapped in the stifling memory of us. <3 m. ///
#amwriting #words #wordsmith #pain #memories #poet #poetess #poetry #ghoststory #ghosts #haunt #haunting #quotes #wordsfromtheheart #heartbreak #heartbroken #love #relationships #writersfollowwriters #writersfollowingwriters #writer #author #igauthor #igpoet #writerscommunity #writingcommunity #write #romance #romancewriter
15 168 3 weeks ago