As i sat on the hammock drinking a smoothie my mind was a complete mess. thinking, contemplating, running lost with stories. i'm not sure how long i remained there; totally immersed in a mind as wild as a river rapid. moving no where with thought simply remaining in my own self-condemning mood.
when i began to notice thousands of tiny bugs flying erratically metres from my face. the kind of insects that come out after rain and you don't realise they are there till you walk through the swarm, taking a couple of hundred casualties in your mouth and eyes.
they completely took my attention and in that moment i forgot my thoughts and plunged into the hypnotic trance of their daily going's. i'd focus on one in particular, following its journey for a short moment until it vanished back into the conformity of its others. another would emerge and in turn disappear again.
after a few minutes the group began to lift until they all disappeared against the backdrop of the twilight sky.
then this very image appeared.
it was there all along.
blocked by my own erratic mind i had spiralled so far from the beauty that remained in the present moment.
these little insects were the representation of my mind and as i was too close to acknowledge this for myself and correct it they offered me that opportunity. they dissipated and in their place left behind the greatest gift of all.
a free mind.
we aren't always vigilant or in our best states of mind. but the beauty of nature and the stillness that resides in presence of mind is always waiting to embrace us.
A journey to say the least.
this year has undoubtedly been my biggest, most significant, life changing 12 months of my life. starting the year traveling across the snowy mountains of japan, to finding out that seriya and i were going to become parents.
to setting an intention to buy a house and months later moving into that dream home which still is word for word what we put out to the universe.
from holding meditation and sound healing events reaching over 1000 new people, connecting with like minded and conscious legends who want to create better futures for themselves and others.
to diving head first into sacred men's work which has opened the door for me to connect and grow relationships with amazing men all across the world; not to mention actually looking at my own masculine qualities, understanding them deeper and continuing to work on who i am as a man.
to surfing with whales, dolphins, eagle rays and all kinds of fish.
to reconnecting old relationships and committing to stay in my truth with new and old friends and family.
the moment i first laid eyes on my gorgeous daughter. a year full of smiles and laughs with my fury son simba. the sweat, tears, times of severe choice and big boy decisions.
it is hard to believe all this occurred in this short time.
lessons - yes
blessings - hell yes!
growth, change, love and expansion. i am totally here and ready to bring on 2018 and all that comes to fruition in the days, hours, minutes and every second.
my greatest take away from this year; you can achieve anything you set your intentions toward. focus and vision are key but conscious work is integral.
believe in yourself, trust those bold decisions and take the step!
big love to you all from the rainbow family.
Nothing ever could have prepared me for this experience. no advice, no stories, no book.
to feel this love is like nothing else. an unspeakable experience where no words could do it justice.
'when i saw you for the first time my heart skipped a beat.
when i held you for the first time i was swept off my feet.
with the first time i was embraced with your touch,
nothing in this world seemed to matter quite as much.
your smile, your eyes, your heart and your soul.
all of these combined leaves me feeling whole.
to describe my feelings i cannot entirely portray.
simply watch my actions, feel my love, i will show you everyday.
ishaala mary rainbow this world is your mould.
for you to create, live and laugh,
your dreams i will hold.
with opportunities as endless as the rising sun,
daddy will support you and stand by you until each of these are won.
my girl, i knew not of this tenderness until you took your first breath.
on this infinite journey, my love for you has no depth.
from today to tomorrow and those that come and go.
my love for you is endless,
little miss ishaala mary rainbow.' born at 10.25pm on thursday the 26th of october both mum @akshayahealing and bub are healthy and happy.
a big shout out to all the amazing support, countless messages and positive vibes. every single one of those has been felt even if you haven't received a reply.
we have utilised this time to go completely inwards to devote this time to each other and of course our daughter. i know some of you reading this are hanging out to meet ishaala but please be patient as we don't want to rush anything on her just yet.
sending lots of love and a tonne of gratitude from my heart to yours.
Today seriya is officially 16 days overdue. this of course was not part of 'our plan' but is something we have needed to be flexible with and trust none the less.
with the support of a really strong medical team, seriya and i have decided we will continue the pregnancy for a little longer and allow our bub to come earthside without medical intervention. of course, seriya and our baby's health is paramount and worth more to us than a rigid plan or moral ideal and this is something that is being monitored closely.
as seriya is completely offline, i have been receiving countless calls, texts, messages and emails touching in from our amazing friends, family's and colleagues.
firstly i would like to thank each of you for the thoughts and for reaching out. i will however kindly ask to please be patient in a reply, even not to expect one at this stage. i know many of you are hanging out to know what is happening, wanting to help and have an input but at this time your best help will simply be holding us in your thoughts and sending lots of positive energy.
i am not needing anything that distracts me from being 100% with seriya at the moment and replying back to countless messages, even though they are amazing takes me away from being present.
you will updated as soon as there is news to be updated with.
again, a big thank you for all the support and thoughts. please just hold space for us from afar and let's all call in this bub together.
'i am one with the earth that keeps turning.
one with the stars that shine.
one with the waves of the ocean.
one with the light that i see in your eyes ~ @luluandmischka
we all live underneath the same sun, the same moon and the same sky. we all stand on the same earth and we all breath the same air.
let's stand together to build each other up not fight to bring each other down.
sending love to where ever you need it today.