I played with lightning and taking photos of my own scars. i love how these turned out. i've had scars from open heart surgery/chest tubes and cutdown scars within hours/less than a day old of being born. it's a part of me like like my arms/legs/nose/mouth/ears are. i was born with 5 congenital heart defects. i see them as beautiful. i embrace them. i don't hide them. they show whatever tried harming you, that you fought it and won. ❤️
📷 every spring mom plants a few pansies. every spring, when they get leggy, she throws them to the woods to make room for summer plants. this year, dad saw her and loudly protested: “why are you killing them, they’re alive!” she insisted that they would not be worth keeping, and went about her business. dad is not known for a green thumb.
but he has proceeded to water these two (and a few others) where they landed in an untended part of the lawn reserved for scraps, faithfully, for weeks. for weeks, they have greeted us with uncoordinated curtsying and bright colors in an otherwise monochromatic wood.
Ekg. echocardiogram. six times to get a normal bp reading. many tears shed over the course of a 90-minute appointment as the bottled-up anxiety of the last month leading to this appointment was released. an amazing cardiac fellow who listened to me, and hugged me, and told me i wasn’t crazy.
diagnosis? in the words of my (slightly woo-woo) beloved cardiologist, a heart that’s giving me space to enjoy the sun, flowers, and life (e.g. perfect working order). prescription for one hour of daily self-care, along with some form of daily exercise, not to be missed under any circumstance. (he actually said “not to be f****d with,” but i’m trying to keep it clean here for the ‘gramming children.) also, lighter workload, and less doing for others whenever and wherever possible. because, basically, stress is a badass mf, and can unleash a can of whoopass if you’re not careful. message. heard. biannual cardiology check up complete. see you in 2020. ❤️❤️❤️ #asdrepair#vsdrepair#adultcongenitalheartdefect#healthanxiety#brighamandwomens#childrenshospitalboston#heartsurgery#hearthealth#openheartsurgery