5/24/18 (photography and model: @ocean_tide💕) 3:37 p.m.
thoughts: i stopped by my dad’s the other day for my weekly visit. sometimes, i worry about how that sort of thing is gonna go because of our on-and-off relationship, but it went well this time. as a matter of fact, it reminded me that talking to him is surprisingly easier than talking to most people (in spite of the circumstances). my talking to others can be strained, but i won’t shut up with him. ✨
a big thing that he likes to remind me to do is essentially live big while i’m young. do stuff that could give me experience and build my character, travel to different places, and take my boyfriend out. he doesn’t necessarily get mad, but he can seem a bit concerned when he hears about how simple i can be with what i do (such as spending entire sets of weekends not going anywhere, and being content with it).
i know he’s coming from a good place. i also know that i don’t have to change the way i live because he’s making suggestions. but, i can’t help but figure he’s right. i’ve gotta be willing to do more. go out more; be more active. how exactly do i do that? what all do i have to do?
because of trying to figure this out, i’ve come down with the newfound anxiety of “doing enough”. i’m convinced that i’ll be able to not only live a better life, but also help my boyfriend feel better about my activeness by doing more. maybe playing a game with him could help, or helping him clean his room. instead, though, i’m just paralyzed with the fear. i wanna talk my boyfriend’s ear off, too, but i can’t think of enough outside of the anxiety. i don’t feel “enough” in this moment. i feel pulled in different directions. i’m drenched in the pressure.
does anyone else relate to this? feeling pressured to be and do “enough”?
Ok this is actually me, i can’t describe it myself but this fits me perfectly.