How did i end up here?
these past few weeks i’ve been stuck in a rut, puzzled by my terrible, rather out of character life choices. i tend to try making sense of this ridiculous life journey of mine, and it bothers me not to understand my self, my thoughts, actions, feelings, etc.
making sense of the paths taken, and making sense of one’s self (oneself)... this is more or less what my master’s thesis was about. recently a boy asked me about my thesis, and i didn’t know how to respond. not remembering exactly what i wrote about, i must have said something about women and walking and cities, a short and simple explanation, as i didn’t want to be perceived as pretentious or vain. nor did i want to be misunderstood, i realize.
maybe it’s apt, then, that the same boy wrote that same word, “misunderstood,” over the word “bad” on a foods list posted on my fridge. not bad, just misunderstood.
so i end up going on long drives and walks, eating lots of mint chip ice cream, taking long, boring baths, drinking wine, rambling on with friends... and counting down the days until the next climbing excursion. most of the time i long for soaking in sunshine and letting the wind b**w my hair out of my face.
what’s funny is i sat in spot a couple years ago, reading notes on bergson and hemingway, thinking the same thing, how did i end up here?
i’m here because i’m here because i’m here. -jean rhys