⚠️rant about my life⚠️
🚫not that anyone cares🚫
i hate being this way.. i hate that iv relapsed and fell back into my ed..
i hate that i'm not the only one stuck in this now..
my husband has been talking alot latley about having another kid and i love seeing the light in his eyes when he talks about having a little girl but it also breaks my heart. i hate that he needs me, and that i ultimately decide when/if we have another child... i honestly want one but i cannot stand the thought of gaining weight. i gained so much with my first child; which has fueled me back into my ed. not to mention the post partum on top of my already f****d up mental state.. should i even have more kids? am i passing all of my... problems, on to them? i want to be a better person. for all of them... i won't hurt my children. but i'm hurting my husband.. i feel so selfish....
Last year a team from work joined me on a 5k for @neda
i never thought co-workers would become such a major player in my recovery.
they had a banner you could sign for reasons why i walk. my team supported me so much that day.
and they continue to support me every single day. while they may not understand what it's like to stuggle they understand i need support and they offer it unconditionally.
every time i feel like giving up i look at the amazing support i have in my life. so thank you. thank you to everyone who doesn't understand it but still stands with me.
I feel so stressed at the moment i can't put into words. i'm stressed about starting fresh in a new place with new people with a whole different system and i'm overthinking and stressing all the time about this one thing in particular. i'm afraid of being judged, ridiculed, friendless, lonely, unliked and lost and embarrassed and i don't know what to do.
sorry for that i just needed to vent😴