I’ve come to a point where i cannot hide that i am not okay. it’s okay to not be okay all the time. i pride myself on balancing three jobs, (including a registered nurse and college instructor, jobs many people look up to or would love to have) grad school, a relationship with a child, health issues, pet illnesses, and anything that comes my way. recently i’ve been struggling to stay afloat. i’ve felt guilty, depressed, full of self-doubt and blame, and at times borderline nonfunctional. i cry for hours sometimes. major depression is a serious condition. as someone that has worked as a mental health nurse for several years and teaches holistic health courses at the college level, you may assume i have all the tools to cope and get me through. and while that is true, when depression grips its strong hands around you, your brain cannot function properly. your thoughts get disorganized. you lose focus easily. your emotions and mood are difficult to control. you feel like you have lost yourself. it’s a had to find pleasure in anything. you can’t sleep but all you want to do is stay in bed some days. you stop caring about things you used to love, or become obsessed with things that you don’t or are unhealthy habits. i’m not okay. but that’s okay. no one is perfect. hopefully it’s temporary. one day at a time. #onedayatatime#itsokaytonotbeokay#depression#depressionhasnoface#biggirlsdocry#themanymasksiwear#checkonyourstrongfriends#depressionisreal#depressionawareness
Sometimes you just need the familiar comfort of a burger and fries and @shakeshack is one of the best places for that. i’d never been to the one in buckhead before and found my anxiety rearing its head once i realized it didn’t have a private parking lot, meaning i’d have to figure out the parking situation while driving on roads i wasn’t familiar with. as weird as it sounds, social anxiety has always made it harder for me to drive. the constant worrying over what other drivers think of my driving and doing my best to drive “normally” has always made it that much harder to focus on the road. it’s even worse if someone’s in the car with me, because now i’m also thinking about what they must be thinking. so having to navigate narrow streets through this shopping center, where there were also people walking around, was a little nerve wracking. i’ve found that putting on music or podcasts that i like are always good for handling these types of situations. i know how to drive pretty much by muscle memory, so occupying my conscious mind with something to listen to makes it easier to tune out irrational fears and distractions and drive naturally. the burgers were totally worth it.