#breakfast was bran flakes with milk and some tropical juice.
i managed half the bowl of cereal and the juice. i'm feeling guilty for what i have ate i know i shouldn't feel like that. i know i should have pushed myself more.💪🏼😖😟😞😁😱😃🤯👊
A hard lesson to learn over and over again is to know your horse and trust your gut. this was supposed to be an easy cruise through before i asked her to really run today but she came out of it off. nothing noticeably wrong, just not right. i shrugged it off against my better judgement and asked her for a couple of runs, but the feeling never went away that rowdy wasn’t happy. i grew more suspicious as i unsaddled her and as soon as the swelling started i knew she’d torn an abdominal muscle. my poor girl ☹️
also it turns out she is still a demon to give injectable anti inflammatory to🙄 #badhorsemom#feelingguilty
#nightsnack was 2 pikelets with strawberry jam a digestive biscuit and a cup of tea.
i managed it all. it wasn't easy ana screaming at me not to have the digestive trying to make me restrict even more but i know i can't i pushed through and ate it all. i feel so rubbish and guilty but i just keep reminding myself that it will pass and that it will be worth it.😖💪🏼😟😊😞😁😃😱🤯👊
Dali went missing last night. little did we know that she was outside!! she got out when the door opened but we didnt see her. this morning we were calling her but no sign of her anywhere. then we heard a small cry. oh dear god!!! we opened the door and there she was, sitting in the snow. poor baby girl! now she is all cuddle up on my love, sleeping. #kitten#kitty#catlady#catofinstagram#cat#snow#feelingguilty
#dinner was birds eye bus chicken bites with couscous and some chips. for after was a yogurt and a cereal bar.
i done better than what i have done today. i managed the chicken couscous and the yogurt but not the chips or the cereal bar. this is the first proper thing i've had to eat today. i was really struggling but managed to push through the yogurt was really challenging but i did it and that is what matters. i'm feeling so full and horrible just now the guilt kicking in which is making me feel worse i feel sick but i guess it's because it the first thing i've ate so my stomach has had to stretch quickly instead of slowly through the day.💪🏼😖😟😞😊😃😱😁👊🤯
#snack was a homemade latte and 2 plain digestive biscuit
i didn't do great again i managed the latte but not the biscuits. i can't help but feel actually happy about not eating it almost feels like an accomplishment. i know that's not good. there is also a part of me that does feel bad because i can see how much it has an impact on my family and i hate it because it's all my fault i'm hurting them so much.😖😟😞💪🏼😁😃😱👊🤯😊
#lunch was a chicken toastie a yogurt a cereal bar and some tropical juice.
(ptw) i wasn't going to post this because i know it might trigger alot of people so please don't read if you are triggered by things about others ed
(ptw) i didn't do great i didn't manage to eat any of it. i know that is really bad i know i should have pushed myself more. i am so tired i don't know what to do. it's not as if i can't eat it because i think i will get f*t i know i won't i know i want to re-gain weight and be healthy again but there is something telling me just not to eat it i'm not hungry i don't need it maybe there is something that is making me scared to gain but i don't know why i do want to gain i know nothing bad will happen if i do i know all that will happen is i will be happier but there is something stopping me and i don't know what or why that is. i feel like it's me it's my fault i'm just not hungry so i don't have to eat it why do i have to eat it although i know what is wrong but there is such a big part of me that i guess still doesn't believe it.💪🏼😖😟😞😊😃😱😁👊🤯🙄
#breakfast was bran flakes with strawberry alpro yogurt and some tropical juice.
i managed to eat about half of it and drink the juice this morning. i know it's not great but it is better than what i have been doing. i'm feel a bit guilty and bad about it but i have school and that usually distracts me so hopefully it will today.💪🏼😖😟😞😊😃😱😁👊🤯