"where's the girl?" and old man asked me as i walked by with my son. "pardon?" i asked confused. "where's the girl?" he repeated. "you have the boy first and then the girl, right?". i was stunned. i knew this little old man wasn't intending to be rude or bring up years of pain, but in his simple question were so many layers of problems. .
1) was he implying that my goals should be the standard nuclear family of one boy one girl?
2) was he implying that i had failed or was wrong by not doing so?
3) how was he so confident in speaking to me that bluntly about my fertility / child raising?
it took me a second... years of pain and processing rose to the surface. i tell everyone i don't want anymore children. it's not true. i would have loved to have had more children, but the idea terrifies me. i am so resentful of the stay at home mom life. the unpaid, unrecognized work to be done while your partner builds their career. every child is an easy couple of years out of the work force, unless you send them to daycare and then you have to reconcile the mom guilt of having someone else spend more time with your kid than you. and in a loving, committed partnership maybe you can relax knowing that you and your partner have each others backs and will always support eachother... except nobody really knows that. every child you have is a gamble that you might end up being a single mom to an additional child and life will get harder. all of this is assuming you can even have the child. after watching my last three pregnancies end up in the toilet and then having what i thought was a nearly perfect marriage fall apart, i'm more than a little jaded, and absolutely terrified of allowing another baby into my life. pouring myself into my business seemed like a safer 'baby' to bring up. doesn't mean i don't feel my u****s cry every time i see a little baby in a backpack. .
all of this ran through my mind when the old man spoke to me, like a flash of collective fears and sadness. so when i was boldly asked "where's the girl?" i boldly replied....
"she died. they all did."
so my sisterhood, time to heal the healer. what are the plants for this?
🌿ortiga (urticaria dioica) mucha ortiga de #jenesano #boyaca.🌿 después de ser recogidas por las cariñosas manos de mi papá, inician su proceso de secado. esta increíble hierba que crece silvestre en nuestro país, toma del suelo los mejores minerales y #vitaminas y las concentra en las hojas las cuales son super nutritivas. 🍃con las hojas frescas hice sopa de papa, puerro y ortiga, toda una delicia! 🍃 y con las secas haré tintura la cual es ideal para condiciones alérgicas. 🍃la mala fama de la ortiga se debe a los pequeños pelos que cubren las hojas y que contienen histaminas y ácido formico, los cuales causan la reacción alérgica tópica. tradicionalmente en muchas culturas se emplean las ramas frescas para golpear ligeramente las articulaciones de las personas artriticas. 🍃la raíz se usa para hacer preparaciones para tratar la caída del cabello y como acondicionador.
Last chance to pick hydrangeas before the frosts come and turn them all to mush, these have all been foraged from around asda car park! they'll adorn the shop for months and no water is required to keep them looking good, they just dry once taken inside. the bushes they have been picked from are all woody & old, so this pruning will invigorate them to grow even bigger flower heads next year, so cheers sweetie!!! #hydrangea#rosey#driedflowers#forage#sarahraven
Amidst the howling rain and swirling winds little gems are hidden! some #hawberries and #douglasfir for #autumnal #relish. the fragrance on the fir is incredible, super sweet with a hint of apple and musk. beautiful!