Irma_Holistic Recovery Coach
Truth update - there was a time when i couldn't walk past a hibiscus flower 🌺 and not cry.
but time is kind in that it helps us heal.
this gorgeous flower i passed on my walk with jack 🐶 today and it made me reflect.
see, my mum was bedridden with cancer this time of the year and she loved that we picked fresh hibiscus flowers from the garden so that she could enjoy their beauty from the confines of her room. she was a mad keen gardener and adored plants!
my mum passed away in 2009, just 8 months after my sister committed suicide. i think she died of a broken heart, doctors called it cancer.
it took years of suppression, denial, and numbing with b***e and drugs for me to get where i am now...in a place of more (not total) acceptance of their deaths.
i honoured mum by getting a tattoo and this also helped me process what was one of the shittiest years of my earth life (useless inside information). i share this with you because most of our bad habits start with a need to escape our discomfort.
looking back i wish i had the ability and insight to allow my painful emotions to surface...but i didn't. instead i resisted the pain and fought my grief and 'dealt' with it by drinking and drugging myself into oblivion.
i pretended to be 'fine' and 'coped' with the deaths of my sister and mum. i felt like a 'burden' if i shared my grief and didn't want to come across as a 'drama queen'. such bs.
it was only when i stopped drinking that i could really process my grief. and i couldn't do it on my own either.
i needed support and that was ok.
actually feeling my feelings ain't always easy, but so f*****g worth it.
now i have gratitude when i see a hibiscus flower and smile because death and dying is starting to make a little bit more sense to my finite human mind.
and i'm sober and aware enough to keep expanding my healing journey. i wouldn't want it anyway but this way.
wrapping you with love.
15 minutes ago