Thanks @como74 for sharing!
this spoke to my s o u l. "hurt people hurt people"... for a long time i was hurting. the kind of hurt that engulfs your whole body and takes over your entire being. i felt it everywhere and didn't know what to do about it. it didn't seem like it would ever go away.
the pain i was feeling inevitably had to spill over unfortunately causing collateral damage to those i was closest to, especially in my relationships.
i was stuck in s u r v i v a l mode. i would do anything to not be hurt and had a hard time letting anyone in-which is ironic because i was already seriously hurting.
i sabotaged a lot, mainly subconsciously. i became so used to chaos (because that was my earliest experiences on this earth) that stability and calm was actually uncomfortable for me. if waves weren't happening on their own, i needed to create them. 🌊
i felt so much sadness and had no idea where it kept coming from. (heyyyy depression and suppressed feelings🙋) that sadness creeped out of me in forms of anger and hate that i couldn't believe were in me.
back then i wasn't aware of it all- i just knew i hurt and i continued to stay in that hurt,pulling others along for the ride with me.
getting close to me was no easy task. i claimed to be unloveable and then proceeded to act in ways that would match that belief.
it wasn't until i dealt with my past and understood how it affected me that i started to become more aware.
truthfully, i still sometimes have a hard time looking back at how i have acted and used to beat myself up continuously for it until i realized that only made everything worse.
ironically enough once i started understanding why i acted the way i did i learned how to become kinder to myself. this kindness opened the door for me to start loving myself and forgiving myself.
while there are parts of my past i am certainly not proud of i am glad to be able to look back at that girl and understand what she felt. she didnt know better.
in survival mode you aren't filled with love, you are trying to protect yourself the ways that you know how and often, you are filled with hurt which can spread like wildfire if you don't manage it. 💚
After an uneasy sleep, i woke up this morning determined to see the light again. i've found myself allowing the darkness to slip in too easily this time, taking a sick comfort in the malaise. but i have managed this many times before, and although this is the worst i've let it get in ages, it doesn't mean it's past the point of no return yet. so i went to my angels. today felt like a 3 card spread kind of day, so i prayed for their guidance, even though i've often felt lately like they've left me. beautiful, shining lights that they are, in the cards i drew they acknowledged the recent struggles, the current spiritual journey, and promised peace of mind if i keep having faith. chills running through my body in increasing increments knowing they have always been there with me, and that there simply couldn't have been any other cards more perfectly timed than these, i felt so loved and protected, like being enveloped in a massive invisible hug. the most beautiful line that i read from the guide notes was to "trust that the same power that brought you to your spiritual path will also take care of everything else for you. after all, this power supports all of the planets in the sky. it will surely support you perfectly, too." - @doreenvirtue 🙏 today is a turning point. today i still have control. how many of you feel the love of your angels? even if you don't believe, they are always there with you; you never have to feel alone. i'd love to know, who else feels this pure, unconditional, ever-present and divine power by their side? 💜
Found me a yoga studio in barcelona 👌
took some me time this morning to reconnect and get back to basics with simple poses and breathing at @agoyogabcn
yoga can be highly beneficial in helping to improve mental health with one very important reason being that it can move you from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system
or in other words, it takes you from flight or fight to rest and digest
as soon as you begin to slow down and breath deeply you can begin to calm your nervous system
i literally feel the difference in overall demeanour when i leave a yoga class
thanks for the shot 📸 @anapaulaloga
who else enjoys a spot of yoga to boost their mental health?
▶️ ʜᴛᴛᴘ://ʙɪᴛ.ʟʏ/ᴠᴇʀᴏɴɪᴄᴀʟᴏᴍʙᴏʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ for all my @healthyplace youtube videos ♥️
feel how you feel! 😡😭😶😒🤓 there is no shame in being anxious, depressed, unhappy, fearful. these are all normal human emotions! everyone is so self consumed in their own s**t that no one is judging you for your shit, and if they are, they need to get a life. ✌🏽i’m not sure when being a zombie or stepford wife became the standard, but i think 🤔 it’s abnormal to be “great” all. the. time. there will be bad days. there will be good days. there will be meh days. embrace all the days!
I have been reflecting on my relationship with this girl for the past three days. i've had a lot of realisations that i have been avoiding for a long time but it turns out once i allowed myself to have them, everything was fine. if you're having problems with your relationship i don't doubt that today's video journal would be helpful.
I saw the posts on my newsfeed and my tummy flipped, a voice in the back of my head was screaming at me to join in and speak out but i felt too ashamed. i am however, supposed to be speaking my truth and practicing what i preach. so, here goes... #metoo *
at 17 i was sexually assaulted by a man in his 50’s. i had been out with friends, i was going through a very hard time with stuff at home and that night, i triple dropped some ecstasy tablets and lost my mind. i was so out of it, i was kicked out of the nightclub we were in and my friends were so annoyed they left me roaming the streets. a man found me and took me back to his hotel room.
i don’t remember much, apart from waking up, wondering where i was and being frightened as hell. running to a payphone (yes, a payphone!) in broad day light feeling sick with shame, not knowing who to call or what to say. i felt like it was all my fault.
all i could do was blame my self. i was so lost at that stage of my life, binge drinking and overdosing regularly on ecstasy, i bottled it up pretty quickly and went back to more self sabotage. i carried on as if it never happened and i’ve never, ever spoken out about this until now.
i’ve had a lot surface over the past year in terms of old trauma & memories that were buried deep inside. this one came up, but i pushed it back down again.
i now know it was a product of my environment. i was so young. i had no place to call home, no true support or security, i was very sad, lost and alone. i had no love for my self and wanted to be out of consciousness. as a result, someone came along and took advantage of me.
yes, it's a dreary subject that some of us can't bare to even read about but this s**t happens every day. i feel the damage this incident did has played out in other ways within my lifetime. the trauma developed in to behavioural traits i am still unravelling. i am awake, aware and moving on! it's amazing to see so many open up about this subject.
the song is "til it happens to you" by lady gaga who writes of her own trauma from s****l assault. she reportedly struggled to record this as it upset her so much. #evolvingoutloud