Echo —the sentinel series part xvii—
october 21, 2017 °journal sect. 353°
ciara is healing and she has found a new love. his name is kohtu. he is young but i can see why her heart has tethered to him. i am happy for her. her voice lights up when she speaks with him and her eyes no longer look dark…
it eases my soul seeing her like this. she has hope. she feels a healing take over her broken soul unlike any she’s felt before.
not to mention, things are changing between her and i. as my health waivers, i find something inside me crumble. a hard cold unfeeling heart fades and a new one reveals itself.
it is easier to talk to ciara without becoming angry. for some reason, we could never get along in times past, though i have done everything i could to help her in her time of need. however, i did it out if duty rather than empathy.
i find myself confused by this. by what exactly changed that i am able to speak with her without a wall in-between her and i.
i have realized that in my younger years, i used to make myself numb to the pain. however, making myself numb to the pain also resulted in numbing all the other emotions, like hindering any ability to identify with others as an example…
i made myself believe that feeling any deep and hurting emotions was a result of being overemotional. i had to be logical. that’s what pleased my father.
but then…it hurt people when i didn’t feel and i allowed my logic ruin anything that could have been meaningful for them.
and because of that logic, it hurt ciara more than once. but now…? that’s changed. i feel and identify with her. and i don’t just understand logically but emotionally as well…
were these things that i was facing currently creating the true me, the real person i always shoved away? was it creating the woman i should have been ages ago…? i do not know. but this…new and healing heart in me feels better than it has in a very long time. how long have i been so cold and har— °°°
“not i, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
you must travel it by yourself.
it is not far. it is within reach.
perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” walt whitman - leaves of grass
Hay una mujer que desde hace 12 años se sienta a mi izquierda cantando junto a mi.
hay una mujer que desde hace 12 años se sorprende al recibir un beso mío sin esperárselo.
hay una mujer que desde hace 12 años me dice que si abrazados en un jacuzzi.
hay una mujer que ha vivido los últimos 12 años de mi vida conmigo y siempre hace sentirme como si fuera el primero.
hay una mujer que me hace sentir 12 veces más hombre, 12 veces más ser humano.
feliz 12 aniversario mi amor.
Шанс не бывает единственным в жизни
Единственной бывает только жизнь 🎬