Real love does not turn off like a switch. this is a sign of a insincere, very warped individual. abandoning people like this, wether it is physically leaving, or just emotionally, playing with a person’s feelings is very damaging and traumatizing. this is abusive and it is not your fault. you are dealing with or have delt with a very disordered individual....
The phrases a narcissist will use to blame shift and gaslight while apologising. “ i’m sorry for whatever you think i did wrong.” “ i’m sorry you feel that way.” “ i’m sorry for what you think i did.” “ for what it’s worth, i’m sorry.” “ i’m sorry if you think i said that.” “ i’m sorry if you think i did that.” “ i’m sorry you misunderstood me.”
“ i’m sorry you didn’t pay me enough attention.” a narcissist when apologising ( if you’re lucky as most will not.) will always drop a you in with the apology to shift the blame, so we believe it’s our fault they behaved the way they did, and change who we are time and time again to suit them, walking on eggshells, full of self-doubt within our own thoughts, feelings and abilities. -
we are not responsible for their behaviour, that is on them, we are only ever responsible for our own. -
As someone who has survived a relationship with a narcissist, it’s probably not news to you that narcissists are jealous of you. or maybe it is a surprise, since their words may say the opposite. narcissists of both kinds, the covert and the overt, can often act like they are superior to everyone else, that they are the most important person in the room. they have a sense of entitlement, they are self-absorbed, they are smug and condescending. you would think that if they were as amazing as they present themselves to be, that they would want everyone around them to be as successful and impressive as they are. like me, you know that this is far from true.⠀
I’m offering a new session for this popular online masterclass on sunday august 23rd at 2pm eastern standard time.
this class takes place via zoom online video conferencing.
co-parenting with a pathological person will be even more difficult now that the world has been instructed to #selfquarantine & keep children home from school.
as i’m sure you already know, #narcissists believe that rules & laws don’t apply to them. many of them are even claiming that they are immune to the coronavirus. .
Around 75% of the survivors i work with 1 to 1 were had at least one parent who was personality-disordered, substance-addicted, or both.
in this live 2 hour masterclass (via zoom) you’ll learn how to rewrite your “blueprint” for interpersonal relationships so that you’ll no longer feel attracted to toxic & #highconflict personality types.
to protect your privacy you can choose to mute your video during the session. & use your first name only, or a nickname.
this is an interactive workshop — meaning you get to ask questions, receive answers & share as much or as little of your personal history as you wish. speak up, or just listen & absorb — it’s entirely up to you.
This young man's dad left him and mom she raised him alone by the grace of god. this man became a millionaire and blessed his mom this is the way god works when children get rejected by their parents and their parents usually end up with nothing so people won't treat their children as if they are nothing. god is their real father and will bless the children and curse their parents that didn't raise them.
the moms who love and care about their children are the ones god showed them how to love and care
10 the proverbs of solomon:
a wise son makes a glad father,
but a foolish son is the grief of his mother.
20 a wise son makes a father glad,
but a foolish man despises his mother.
26 he who mistreats his father and chases away his mother
is a son who causes shame and brings reproach.
20 whoever curses his father or his mother,
his lamp will be put out in deep darkness.
Today we asked my mother not to say racist or bigoted things in front of our children. we said we dont expect her to change her beliefs, we only ask that they arent said in front of our kids. my mother said she would not change the things she says around us, even if it means she cant see the kids any more.
tonight, we grieve the new, likely permanent, loss of family members. but tomorrow is a new day, and the support we have found in opening up about our situation has made us feel more loved and cherished than ever.
i'm grateful for my husband, group therapy, my therapist, and the four agreements for giving me the strength and tools necessary to finally put my backbone to use and stand up for myself, my husband, and my children.
Reposted from @message.from.beyond here are some ways that modern spirituality denies and also contributes to the collective shadow:
1. “focus only on the positive” (this denies reality and shames those who have legitimate issues that need space and compassion)
2. “good vibes only” (this denies the importance of anything going on around us that is “low vibe” and encourages us to escape into a spiritual dreamworld)
3. “you attracted that situation” (aka. those who get discriminated against due to the color of their skin, sexuality, age, mental/physical ability, etc. “brought it on themselves” – imagine how sociopathic that sounds when you say it to someone who is suffering)
4. “that’s your karma” (this is used as another way of brushing over and dismissing someone’s pain by attributing it to some kind of retributive cosmic force)
5. “you manifest your reality” (this is another way of saying that basically “it’s too bad you’re suffering, but it’s your fault” which is essentially a form of victim-blaming)
6. “everything is an illusion” (on an absolute level that may be true, but we’re also operating from a human level and that needs to be respected, acknowledged, and lived – to say that everything is an illusion is bypassing the importance of facing issues that are happening within ourselves and society)
7. “everything is love” (again, on an absolute level this may be true, but from a human level we need to be careful not to discount the reality of our/other people’s pain – that itself is not love but avoidance)
8 “society is evil/unconscious” (this is a common philosophy held by many spiritual folks who use it as an unconscious excuse, ironically, to close their hearts and ignore the suffering of the world in order to make their lives easier to live)
9. “i’m a lightworker, i don’t ____” (this excuse and belief is used by modern spiritual seekers who believe that shadow work in no way fits into their mission – that it’s all about spreading light and love – however, by denying the shadow either personally and/or collectively, they are paradoxically living in and perpetuating darkness)
10. “spirituality and whatever is going on in society don’t mix” (this definition
In this evening’s dr ramani video, she discusses “can you catch narcissism?”. this is something i have been anxiously concerned about as i take the time to learn about my mum’s condition in depth and analyse what has been normalised in my upbringing. thankfully, dr ramani explained this concept ... when you are being suffocated in the narcissistic abuse, you are in complete survival mode. if you were on a desert island, you wouldn’t be thinking about manners, keeping up appearances, or being a good listener. instead, you are focussed on your next meal, what shelter you can find, and how you’ll get through this next challenge. when you’re stuck in that relationship, it’s so hard to be present for friends and other people, listening and supporting them as the good friend you want to be. you’re not lacking empathy and becoming a narcissist, but rather you’re just stuck in survival mode and all those interpersonal skills are not a top priority right now. interestingly, dr ramani said that when you escape the clutches of your narcissist, healthy practices such as self-care, emotional regulation, and focus on your needs/wants/desires is so foreign to you that you think you are “selfish” and “becoming an entitled narcissist!”. but, these behaviours are 100% needed to be a well-functioning and healthy person. as you distance yourself from the narcissistic, you have the mental and emotional capacity to look outwards and be your authentic self, able to help and be there for the people around you.
😢 i grew up feeling guilty having time to relax (“you’re being so lazy!”), feeling overwhelmed with emotions but not having a way to regulate/manage (“you’re so overly sensitive, you feel everything too deeply, you’ve just got puberty blues”) and being called selfish when i took steps towards the person i wanted to become (“you only ever think of yourself, you’re such a selfish girl, wearing that makes you look cheap”).
🏡 i am so grateful that i now live in a safe home with a husband who encourages me to take ample time to relax, never calls me sensitive but instead listens to my worries, and let’s me pursue whatever fashion trend or dream i’m interested in 👙👠👢👛🕶
The last time i felt good in my body was september 2012. i felt beautiful in this photo. i was well-rested, energetic, peaceful, calm, happy, health, zen, stress free and happy w my weight. then i joined a bootcamp to take exercise to the next level and watched my stress level go up, my waistline grow, and i started gaining weight. then cortisol fatigue set in and the stress of more exercising and dieting because i didn't want to gain all that i lost. now we are 8 year past that point and have experienced mom cancer/falls/surgeries/alzheimers, job loss, life loss, trauma revelations, weight gain. but i'm not giving up. healing is in play. i believe in myself and i'm here showing up again, beginning a new, emotional, open space. no more hiding. let's go! #healyourselfwithfood#organiceatz#selflove#narcissistmother
Needless to say i guess but she, of course, tried to turn the conversation about me picking one of the two dates for school visit at the beginning of the semester. something that she agreed upon and said was a great solution a week ago. now i was told i did wrong by choosing it myself.
A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence. wikipedia
by the way i do what i want and i am still their golden child... huh... love my mommy and daddy 😫😩😜. unconditional love 😳🤨.. parents love your children unconditionally, let them live and speak their truth so they are happy and well nurtured..fine you can guide them but you can't force your beliefs ..there is a vast difference between controlling them and parenting them ... set them freeeeeee..let them bee...please...heard of conscious parenting? ..go re-search..read books...learn about new parenting methods and let go of the outdated ones, for heavens sake...🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
3 weeks ago
More little nuggets from our garden. having an organic meal and catering business means i eat healthy most of the time, but weight loss is still a struggle for me. i'm starting 'the plan' on monday. have i done it before with success? yes. did the demons throw me off course? yes. demons appear as self doubt, you're not good enough/strong enough/disciplined enough emotional abuse, job loss, criticism and comparisons, clothes not fitting, relationships ending, parent and family illness or loss, injuries, pandemic quarantine anxiety and depression.
so,how do we stay on course and not get throw off by the demons? let's figure it out!
this plan is a great identifier for inflammation response to foods, weight gain, adrenal fatigue, etc. after a lifetime of dieting, overexercising (to the point where i've stressed my system where it stopped working and held on to every ounce of fat).... i am trying again. believing in myself to stay on course and not allow the demons to throw me off. my mom has had cancer and now alzheimers and was small (thin) but full of demons and stress her entire life. i am not repeating this pattern and illness in mine. so the healing journey begins.....wish me luck!#nevergiveuponyourself#narcissistmother#organiceatz#