It’s worth the wait. trust god’s timing. a detour is always destined by his design - never is it wasted time. the valley makes you valiant. it’s a time dedicated to refine. 🔥 you weren’t prepared then, but walking though fire has forged who you were made to be. faith that is tested is stronger than the purest gold. 💛 this is part of my story. ☝🏼 i’ve tried to forget it. i’ve attempted to obliterate it. i’ve wished to rewrite it. but sometimes the low notes make the melody much more magnificent. 🎶 my heart almost stopped, but god kept me breathing. i am brave, i am bruised. i am who he made me to be. 🤲🏼 my past doesn’t define my future, but it does serve my future. my journey through anorexia and inflammatory disease has given me a burning passion for helping others. i’m living the genesis 50:20 life every day, witnessing god’s saving grace. if you’re struggling - with anything - please don’t ever forget that there is always hope. even when it looks like things are as bad as could be, i promise you god can turn it all around for good. ☝🏼 greater is he living in you and me than anything this world throws our way. keep pressing onward and there will come a brighter day. never lose sight of the one who has promised to complete the work he began in you. he’s not finished yet. you will grow from this. you will be grateful for this, yes even this.
“you intended to harm me, but god intended it all for good. he brought me to this position so i could save the lives of many people.” (genesis 50:20 nlt)
I’m sick of hearing, “you're lucky you have an ed you can eat whatever you want." people constantly underestimate eating disorders. there's more to it than food and gaining\losing weight. no one willingly chooses to have an eating disorder nor are they at all lucky to suffer from one. anorexia nervosa has the highest death rate of any mental illness. the mortality rate associated with anorexia is 12 times higher than the death rate of all causes of death for females 15-24 years old. yes, i cringe at those pictures too, but they’re real and show that there is absolutely nothing pretty/desirable about eating disorders. wanna know what it’s like? picture being tied up and having absolutely no control. no control over your thoughts or actions. no matter how hard you try or how hard you scream, no one can hear you because something’s blocking you and all your capabilities to have your own voice and seek help. imagine having your family crying in front of you because of how hurt they are to see you dying and so badly wanting to be sympathetic, but you’re numb. numb to their emotions and how badly you’re hurting not only yourself, but also the people around you. imagine how scary it is to look in the mirror everyday and to see a completely different image than what everyone else sees, and when you finally get a glimpse of how you truly look, you don’t recognize the person staring back at you, and you are left feeling lost/afraid. imagine having a voice in the back of your head criticizing every move you make, feeling guilty/lazy for sitting for 2 minutes or eating and feeling like s**t because you didn’t work out enough to deserve food. imagine everyone staring at you with a look of disgust/fear, so you gain a fear of being seen in the public and stop leaving your house. imagine having constant thoughts and not being able to decipher if it’s actually you or the demon of an ed living inside of you. imagine barely surviving walking up the stairs, but still pushing yourself through hours of exercise without rest because even just the thought of rest is agonizing. imagine being so scared of dying and knowing that it’s so close to happening,..(continued in comments)
~feelin’ some 90s vibes this day~
weekend was great 🤗
enjoyed some quality time with friends who have been there with me through very difficult days 💕 it can honestly be the scariest thing to be vulnerable to people, but actually it is the most relieving feeling 🙊
they remind me why i keep going and why i shouldn’t give up. they make me feel more comfortable in my skin. i hope you have someone/some people in your life like that too 🙊
[one of my fav socks from work! @sockgenius_ & @tiesdotcom]
Going through hard times i remind myself that i am still here. if you or anyone you know is suffering from an eating disorder please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. sometimes the strongest people are the ones who have been hurt the most. always remember to just keep going and not give up even when the world seems like such a dark place. #nedawareness#notachoice #keepgoing💪
It’s all coming back ~ •
during the stressors of the last week i could literally feel myself closing up. my inspiration was gone, my motivation was gone and i couldn’t write or even read a single thing. my magic was lost.
the path i was originally going down had closed its doors to me, for reasons i will never know but reasons i’m sure exist, as road block after road block was placed in my way. rendering me stuck and not able to move in any direction. .
i had to let go and surrender to a new plan, continuing in the land of ‘what next’, continuing to fly blind, in a different sense to when this all started.
after accepting the ‘new’, the magic is slowly returning. one of my goals for this final stage of my 2+ years away was to share with you some resources and implementable tips to help with travel, sleep, and healthy eating. now, i will finally be able to do so. .
challenges are all a part of the ride, and i am not perfect. i hope that i can share this with you too. highs and lows are natural and a part of living. we are lucky to be alive and experiencing in this way. .
it’s okay to be, where ever you are, in your own current experience. be introverted and rest if you need to, have a break from your to-do list and don’t feel bad about it. surrender to the new, and the magic will come back. ✨
Make more art. write bad poetry. paint and make a mess. take pictures of your friends, your dog, nature, everything. make art and love it; not because its good, but because it makes you happy. make an imprint on the world.