I put on eye makeup to run errands today, and felt like a grownup. it’s weird, feeling like an adult. thirty-six is a lot of years, i know; but my consciousness is still that same little girl that performed a funeral for a butterfly hit by a car in ft. wright, ky in 1987...
i regret that i have so willingly given other people my time, effort, compassion, empathy, love, friendship, and trust. many of these people (most?) did not deserve these things.
they did not earn these parts of me, these gifts. 🖌
i’ve allowed people to walk all over me, to use me, in the name of “friendship”.
i am more angry and disappointed with myself than anyone else, because i alone have allowed these things to happen. 🖌
my initial knee j**k reaction to any request is usually “yes!”, because whatever they’re asking for is something i can give...
but the real question i should be asking myself is should i? 🖌
yes, i can buy an underage kid alcohol or give someone a ride to work, but should i? when it is clear that these people are merely using me for what i can offer them - should i? 🖌
i’m selling myself short. by being the nice girl, the girl that always says yes without hesitation or reflection, i am letting myself become someone else’s bitch. and that was never in my plans. 🖌
my brand of friendship is more valuable and genuine than most of the c**p other people are handing out to me, trying to pass off as actual friendship. 🖌
much of it comes down to my standards. i don’t say negative, harmful things about the people i consider my friends behind their backs, so why should i tolerate it from others?
i don’t see my friends as disposable, usable, or easily replaceable, so why should i tolerate that type of treatment from others? 🖌
it comes down to two options: i can either keep playing it safe and comfortable, continue to be the nice girl, the easy going yes man, who always helps others out and is everyone’s friend