so accustomed that making new friends feels…strange. almost like an adventure i’m nervous to go on — trail in the forest that produces some hesistancy, yet awakes my curiosity.
getting close to people is weird. i’ve been hurt in my past by those whom i held so closely to my heart my arms began to hurt — safe to say i’m a little damaged in that sense. so i began to build a wall. but not just any kind of wall. the thickest wall made from the strongest materials no one can ever break through.
i’m naturally a friendly person. i find myself lazily smiling at people talking to me, my eyes big in wonder and attentiveness. i make jokes to make others, and myself, feel more comfortable. i laugh at the dumbest jokes and things that aren’t even meant to be funny. i have no problem connecting with people on a superficial level, those first steps to a relationship are like riding a bike to me — easy, crystallized intelligence. but the closer people step to me, i take two steps back.
i want to make sure that i’m showing parts of my soul to those who deserve it. not everyone gets to see me bare, vulnerable, unsure. i’ve been hurt in my past, and i’ve got to protect my heart. she comes first.
over the years, though i’ve made connections with others, only a select few have made it into my little world. and, to be honest, that’s how i like it. quality over quantity.
i have grown accustomed to being alone, but i will meet more of those who will never leave me feeling lonely. i will be more fearless in my exploration, walking down that serendipitous trail, studying the sights and taking in the beauty. with each step, a brick from my wall falls to the ground. like a flower on one of the first days of spring, i am slowly blooming.