Landed in indiana & i can't help but think where this day came from. for the past couple of years with pennies in my pocket, a big ole dream & my bible in hand i have pursued the forever pounding on my heart. it hasn't been easy. this is not the richest career in the eyes of the world but iet me tell you being rich in jesus, purpose & worth is what i am praying for you to find as well. from the moment i understood my story, jesus exploded my heart with a passion to share with girls struggling to know theirs. this weekend i'm speaking on the topic of "pursuing your dreams." i bet you've been told a million times to pursue yours or you've pinned it on pinterest to inspire you. wouldn't it be nice if we were just handed a foolproof guide on how we can make our dreams come true? like for real. but jesus. jesus cares for you so much that he wants to direct your steps, he wants to guide you & most importantly he wants to be involved in every single detail of those dreams because he loves you. dreams aren't just supposed to be dreams. it's going to be scary & sometimes people are going to call you crazy for not fitting the mold but pursuing what you know you've been called to do won't go unused. go after those dreams & just watch how far jesus will take you. it'll be far more than you can ask for. now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. ephesians 3:20 💋, xoxo.
Drank coffee, ate tacos and got to hang with everyone's favorite flight attendant @taylortippett today! solid day if you ask me!
go check out taylor's feed for something that isn't the eclipse or donald trump!
I woke up today with eyes swollen shut from shedding so many tears yesterday. tears of joy, tears of deep sorrow, tears of anger, tears of letting go.
i'm broken. i'm messy. i'm wounded. i've spent too many months running from my pain, trying desperately to bury it, hide it, numb it.
but it caught me. it always catches me.
so this is an apology:
i'm sorry to all the people i've pulled into my pain, to all the people i've hurt by not facing my wounds.
and also a declaration:
i'm going to fight, for wholeness, for grace, for love. i am going to let myself be washed clean in the healing waters. i am going to call myself worthy until i believe it. i am going to fight for justice. i am going to let my pain reach others.
and also a prayer:
god, heal me. reach into the heart of my deepest pain. my hands are open to you. take it all. make me new. as prayed by st. teresa, "use my darkness as a canvas for your light."
and also a reminder:
you are more than this moment. you are more than your past. you are more than the things crushing you.
we are beloved. we are new every single day.
there is healing for you, no matter what you face.
we are never alone.
Let's talk transformation tuesday, y'all. i've literally been trying to find the right things to write or think about how i could make this sound less sad and maybe even less heartbreaking, but this is the best i could do. i've always stood on top of my little soap box for mental health and yet i've been hiding so deeply in my own that i can't anymore. so, here it goes...
i have struggled with an eating disorder for nearly 14 years. eating disorders can develop in anyone, and anorexia is the deadliest psychiatric disorder of them all. it does not limit itself to men or to women, and it does not target a specific age or race group. you may even look at me and think "it doesn't look like she has an eating disorder." and i'd like to tell you, my support group is full of people who "don't look like they have an eating disorder." but every single one of us is fighting a different battle against our own ed. it is hands down the worst generalization with eating disorders. it is what makes it one of the scariest parts about admitting to your ed, what if someone judges me? what if someone thinks i'm not that sick? what if they don't understand? what if my collar bones aren't shining on my chests like medals??? will i be discounted because "i don't look sick?"
i started going to therapy back in april because i have been struggling so quietly and so painfully the past six months. i was counting my calorie intake, throwing away my food, working out far too intensely and compulsively weighing myself. if i could only get the scale to read the perfect number, then i could be happy. i rapidly started shaving off weight and picking up old habits like they never left me. like i never started recovery. i was ready to take a wrecking ball to my body. [continued in comments] •
Im learning that life is full of different seasons, and just because the seasons are different doesn't mean that they're not all good. so, from now on, it doesn't matter if the skies i'm under are london or hawaii or clinton, mississippi, im luvin it and not taking it for granted. woo, who's with me?!!!!
(a little upset about the amount of flights ive been on that @taylortippett hasnt been my flight attendant. ok.)
I think we all want that easy fix; as soon as we see something in our eyes that's fixable, we quickly scramble to put the pieces back together. but you know that feeling when you're scared, like reaally scared and you're trying to put everything back together but you're shaking and the pieces just won't fit because you're rushing it instead of just taking your time? that's how i am with the pieces i see in myself i don't like. the guck and slimy stuff you just want to quickly throw away and stuff them away so no one else sees it. i rush and don't allow the lord to let time do its thing because i want to be in control and chip away at those parts of myself that i see are ugly. but what i should be doing is handing over the hammer to the lord and let him do his work in his time. i'm learning to allow the lord's grace to wash over me (which is very hard) and give it time. i don't have to control it, i don't have to let it overcome my emotions, i can give it to god and give it time✨🕰 (check out this hashtag @taylortippett started to inspire & encourage others worldwide) #wordsfromthewindowseat